It’s that time of the year again. Time for Spring when flowers start sprouting out of the ground, when lovers start flocking outside to enjoy the beautiful weather. Love is literally in the air. And so is Valentine’s Day.

Ah, Valentine’s Day – a day for lovers all around the world to enjoy, to prove their love to each other, and to show the world how much they love each other. Because it is a competition y’all, and you need to be able to prove your love for one another with the world as a witness. Because if other people didn’t see it, then it didn’t happen, right?

Now, people will dismiss this article as yet another rant by a sad, single, and lonely female, who is just bitter because she doesn’t have anybody to spend Valentine’s Day. But it’s not, I love being single, I am single by choice, and even if I was dating someone, I wouldn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day anyway.

I don’t want to rain on someone else’s Valentine’s Day. I am all for the idea of Valentine’s Day, which is basically a special day to appreciate your loved one and to do something nice for them. However, let’s be honest here, that is a lovely idea, but the current Valentine’s Day is far away from it. It has become a generic commercial holiday.

Let’s look at the ideal everyday Valentine’s that most couple will spend it as: The woman will get up early and cook a romantic breakfast for their husband/boyfriend (if they live together). The man will buy their girlfriend/wife some flowers (typically red roses), chocolates (in a heart shaped box), and a gift (either a teddy bear or lingerie, depending on their age and/or relationship status). They will go out on date to a romantic overpriced restaurant (for which the guy needs to call over a month before to get a reservation) and have nice romantic overpriced meal (like they have done on most of their dates). After dinner, they will go home, where the woman with put on lingerie (possibly the one that was gifted) for the man.

Now, let’s look over the fact that this is a typical male-female relationship, as these are still the most common relationships out there. Let’s not however look over the fact that how gendered are the expectations of a typical Valentine’s Day.

1. The woman is expected to cook the breakfast. (This is not that common anymore and things are changing, where the man cooks the breakfast).
2. The man is supposed to pick the restaurant, make a reservation, and plan the date.
3. The man is supposed to buy material things for their woman. (Some women are now also gifting things for the men, but chances are that they will gift them a watch or something they want, rather than flowers and chocolates.)
4. The men will typically gift women lingerie, which is basically a gift for them, as they want their sex object to dress for them in the manner they like and choose.
5. The woman is expected to have sex with the men. (After all, he did buy her gifts, took her out to a restaurant and ideally paid for the meal.)

These are just some things; feel free to add your own to the list.

Then there is also the fact that everything is super expensive on Valentine’s Day. It is all about spending money, because if you don’t buy her flowers, chocolate, or gifts, how will she know that you love her? You could be a great husband the rest of the year, really being there, helping her, taking care of her, helping around the house, etc. But if you don’t buy her things on Valentine’s Day, then you are supposedly a bad husband?

Same goes for the wife. Must she accept lingerie and basically become a sex object on Valentine’s Day to appease her husband? Do all men really just want sex as a gift, on Valentine’s Day, on their birthday, etc.?

What bothers me the most is the fact that people buy into this traditional sexism. They will be in a balanced relationship the rest of the year, where they are equal partners, but come Valentine’s Day they fall into its trap where each one is regressed into their traditional gender roles.

I understand how and why Valentine’s Day came to be. It was a simpler time, where men and women did play significant gender roles in relationships and the society in general. Valentine’s Day was supposed to be a day when the men appreciated everything their wives do for them and instead do something for them. But times and relationships have now changed, or are at least changing. Men and women no longer play such gendered roles. There are families where women bring home the bacon, and men are stay at home dads. In fact, there are relationships where there are no men or no women at all. There are a lot of other types of relationships that do not get the coverage they deserve.

However, the idea of Valentine’s Day is still the same. Sure these families change the concept and make Valentines their own, doing things the way that make sense for them. But the general concept of Valentine’s Day in society has remained the same for hundreds of years (depending on which origin story you accept), and I for one feel that it is time for a change.

We need to drop or at least change such ideas and events about Valentine’s Day that are steeped in sexism or gender stereotypes.

If you want to do the whole gifts and dinner thing, if that is what makes you happy, then by all means do so. But that should not be the only concept of how Valentine’s Day should look like. There need to be more ideas out there, and we need to be inclusive of all of them, and not be like oh they are avoiding or boycotting Valentine’s Day. Because it could be that they are just doing what makes them happy, and not what society thinks they should, and I feel like that should be celebrated, not condemned.

So, Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

Also read: Should Marital Rape be criminalized?